Feeling lonely is a common experience that can affect anyone at any stage of life.
Loneliness can feel like an overwhelming and isolating experience, but it’s important to remember that it is not a permanent state – there are ways to overcome it.
However, rising out of loneliness is a journey – a process that requires time, effort, and patience.
It’s not about suddenly being surrounded by people or constantly busy, but rather about finding meaningful connections and cultivating a sense of belonging.
If you’re struggling with loneliness, you’re not alone, and there are steps you can take to gradually overcome it.
Here are some of our top tips to help you on your journey towards a more connected and fulfilling life.
1. Practice Self-Compassion
It’s easy to fall into the trap of negative self-talk, but remember that everyone experiences loneliness at some point in their lives.
Contrary to perceptions, research shows that it is actually life transitions and circumstances that contribute to loneliness, rather than individual choices.
Instead of being hard on yourself or practice self-compassion – recognise that loneliness is a common human experience and not a personal failure. This means treating yourself with:
Kindness – Speak to yourself as you would someone you cared about; do not judge yourself harshly or unfairly.
Patience – Recognise that overcoming loneliness takes time. It’s okay to move at your own pace and recognise that progress, even if slow, is still progress.
Understanding – Recognise the challenges and obstacles you’ve faced and give yourself credit for your efforts.
Forgiveness – Let go of any guilt or self-blame you may be carrying about your loneliness.
Encouragement – Remind yourself of your strengths and focus on the positive things about yourself, rather than those things that you’d change.
By treating yourself in these ways, you’ll be better equipped to handle these feelings and take steps to address them.
2. Gain Perspective and Reframe
We know that loneliness arises from the mismatch (or gap) between what we feel we need in terms of meaningful connection, compared to what we are getting.
It serves as a sign we may not be getting enough connection in our lives, because we feel disconnected to those around us or as a result of social isolation.
However, this mismatch or gap can be unduly heightened or exacerbated by our own expectations.
This can easily happen in today’s world in which we are bombarded with false and over glamourised impressions of the social lives of others on social media, which can inflate our perceptions of what is normal and our own expectations.
As you seek to get perspective and clarity, it may be helpful to consider the following questions:
– How many close friends do you have? How many do you feel you need?
– Is it more important for you to have lots of social connections or a few meaningful connections?
– To what extent have your expectations formed by comparison to others, or by social media?
– How much pressure do you put on yourself to be socially active or popular?
– What stories do you tell yourself about your loneliness? Could these be based in negative self-beliefs rather than fact?
– How often do you focus on what you lack in terms of connection, rather than appreciating the connections you do have in your life?
Once you’ve answered these, you may be more clear as to whether you might need to find new connections or deepen existing connections.
If your feelings of loneliness are rooted in or being compounded by negative self-beliefs, excess pressure on oneself or heightened expectations, then perhaps you may need reframe the way you think about this and practice greater self-compassion.
3. Deepen Your Existing Connections
One of the first steps in overcoming loneliness is to reach out to the people you already know. It’s easy to lose touch with friends, family, or colleagues, especially when life gets busy.
However, rekindling or strengthening these relationships can be a powerful way to combat loneliness and a good place to start, as you’ll have shared experiences and connection on which to build from.
As you seek to do this, it’s helpful to remember:
Don’t be Afraid to Reach Out: When it comes to deepening or rebuilding connections, taking the initiative is key. It’s easy to assume that others are too busy or uninterested in reconnecting, but the reality is that many people may feel just as hesitant as you do.
This can be as simple as sending a thoughtful message, sharing something that made you laugh recently, or suggesting to catch up over a coffee. Often, people appreciate the effort more than you realise and are grateful for the opportunity to reconnect.
Make Activity Suggestions: It can be challenging to be the person who steps up and suggests an activity. Often, we overthink whether others will say no, but the reality is that more harm can be done to a connection through inaction.
If you’re struggling with what to suggest, perhaps revisit experiences you once enjoyed together, do a hobby or activity you’ve done together before, or something that you know will be of interest to them.
Have Real Conversations: Some find that conversations, even with close friends, can sometimes feel superficial or surface level. If this is the case, take the lead by opening up about your own life, including both challenges and joys you’re experiencing.
By sharing honestly, you can invite the other person to do the same, fostering a deeper and more authentic connection.
Be Consistent: Maintain the connection by staying in touch regularly – even just small gestures, like sending a quick message of something that reminded you of them can keep the connection strong and prevent it from fading.
Offer and Allow Support: Strengthen your bond by being there in times of need, whether offering a listening ear or practical help. Equally, don’t be afraid to share how you’re feeling too, or speak out when you need someone to talk to about something you’re facing.
Through listening and showing support during tough times, you can deepen trust, connection, and mutual care with your friends.
4. Build New Connections
Pursuing your passions is another effective way to overcome loneliness. When you engage in activities that bring you joy, you’re more likely to meet like-minded people who share your interests.
Whether it’s joining a book club, taking a cooking class, or getting involved in a local sports team, doing something you love can help you build connections with others who enjoy the same things.
Not only does this provide an opportunity to meet new people, but it also helps you focus on something positive, which can improve your overall mood and outlook.
If you’re based in London, then The Great Friendship Project offers a range of activities for young adults in their 20s and 30s, throughout the week designed to help you build new connections and find community in the city.
There are also a range of other social opportunities on Meetup, Locals, Facebook and national community organisations, such as ParkRun, GoodGym and The Ramblers also provide free or low-cost activities where you can meet new people.
While it might feel intimidating at first and require you to stretch out of your comfort zone, each small step you take towards connecting with others can make a big difference over time.
Importantly, it’s crucial that you genuinely invest in those connections you’re forming, make a concerted effort to plan activities with those you’ve connected with and deepen the connections in the ways previously explained.
5. Seek Professional Support – if Needed
If loneliness is severely impacting your well-being, it’s crucial to recognise that seeking professional support is not only helpful but sometimes necessary.
After all, loneliness can have profound effects on your mental and physical health, leading to anxiety, depression, or other emotional challenges. A therapist or counsellor can provide a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore these feelings and help you develop strategies to cope with and overcome loneliness.
Therapists are trained to help you understand the root causes of your loneliness, whether it stems from life transitions, past experiences, or current circumstances. They can guide you in improving self-esteem and changing thought patterns that might be contributing to feelings of loneliness.
Moreover, therapy can provide you with practical tools to enhance your ability to connect with others, whether through communication strategies, mindfulness practices, or by helping you identify opportunities for social engagement that align with your interests and values.
If you feel your mental health is suffering considerably as a result of your loneliness, then you may want to contact one of these support organisations.
Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. There’s no shame in reaching out for support when you need it – in fact, it’s a courageous step towards improving your well-being.