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about loneliness

Understanding loneliness: modern epidemic

Loneliness is a complex and multifaceted experience that touches the lives of millions worldwide.
 
For millions of years, loneliness was our body’s way of protecting us from danger, encouraging us to reconnect with others for survival in the wild. 
 
However, the modern world has transformed faster than our human biology can keep up with, and today, far from protecting us – loneliness is one of the greatest physical and mental health threats globally.

Key questions

What is Loneliness?

Loneliness is a painful human experience that arises from a perceived or actual lack of meaningful connection. 

It is the deficit or gap between the connection we feel we want or need, and the amount we feel we currently have in our lives. 

As a result, loneliness isn’t the same as being alone or social isolation, as you could have little or no contact with other people and not experience loneliness. 

Equally, you could also be surrounded with lots of friends, family and social support, but yet still feel lonely – if you feel your need for connection isn’t being met.

The three main types:

– Emotional loneliness: when you don’t have deep and meaningful connections with others who make you feel seen and heard. It can stem from a lack of a best friend, or a romantic partner.

– Social loneliness: when you don’t feel like you connect with your existing social network. You hang out with others, but don’t feel like you belong in any group or a community.

– Existential loneliness: when you feel disconnected from society as a result of questioning your purpose and meaning in others’ lives, and the world.

Loneliness can be caused by a multitude of factors and situations upon which we might not always have control over. Some common causes are

Relocation – you might have moved to a new location for university, or a job, where you have limited connections

Little time and energy to socialise – you might have a busy schedule, preventing you from keeping in touch with your existing network, or meeting new people
 
Life transitions – for example, becoming a parent or those around you settling down can interfere with your social life
 
Relationship issue/breakdowns – When we end a relationship with a romantic partner, we also can also lose a key source of meaningful connection
 
Mental and physical health problems – it can be hard to socialise or keep in touch with existing connections when you are struggling and not feeling like your usual self
 
Financial problems – you might not have the budget to eat out at restaurants with friends, or be able to regularly afford the tickets to the same social events
 
Cultural differences – being in a new environment with unfamiliar and confusing cultural norms and rules
 
Being introverted or having low confidence – if  you are introverted or struggle with low-esteem or social anxiety, this may prevent you from pursuing and building new connections

Loneliness can have a devastating impact on mental health and today, chronic loneliness has been shown to lead to a range of other serious mental health issues, from depression and anxiety. 

Research also shows that the physical effects of chronic loneliness are equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and weakens the immune system and can take years off your life..

Chronic loneliness can severely impact health and daily life, causing low mood, stress, fatigue, disturbed sleep, and lead to alcohol abuse and substance misuse.

It has also been shown to have a damaging impact on one’s productivity, motivation and creativity .

Research has shown that young adults between 20 to 34 are one of the most at-risk groups for experiencing loneliness.

In fact, they are 5 times more likely to struggle with chronic loneliness than the over 65s.

There are also a number of other known risk factors that could increase your likelihood of struggling with loneliness:

  • Living alone
  • Living in rented accommodation 
  • Living in an area with a low sense of community 
  • Being single
  • Being unemployed
  • Being a carer
  • Being LGBTQIA+ or from an ethnic minority community
  • Having a long-term mental or physical health condition or disability

You may be dealing with chronic loneliness if you consistently feel some or all of the following:

– You don’t have any close friends. You don’t feel that you have a deep connection with those you spend time with.

– You experience feelings of isolation even when you’re surrounded by people or in large groups. It may feel like you’re constantly on the outside looking in.

– When you reach out to others, your interactions feel shallow, and you don’t get a lot from people emotionally.

– You have feelings of self-doubt and low self-worth, and feel you are always less than enough.

– You have exhaustion and burnout when you socialise with others. It can feel like you’re constantly drained and unable to interact the way you’d like to.

It’s never easy hearing or discovering someone is struggling with loneliness. But here are some simple ways you can support them: 

• Educate yourself on the causes and effects of loneliness 

• Listen to them with empathy and be understanding; ask them open-ended questions to help provide them with a safe space to share how they’re feeling 

• Be consistent and reliable when you make a plan with them 

• Encourage them to build and nurture social connections, such as signposting them to local social opportunities, or introducing them to some of your own friends 

• Engage in meaningful conversations which make them feel seen and heard 

The stigma of loneliness

Over the last decade or so, huge progress has been made towards tackling the stigma of mental health. 

Yet despite of the pandemic showing how loneliness can affect anyone, still shockingly little social progress has been made on loneliness in de-stigmatising the topic. 

It is young people that are most affected by this stigma, with a survey by Co-op foundation showing that 81% of young people wouldn’t admit to feeling lonely or seek help for fear of being judged or mocked.

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The true drivers of loneliness

There are numerous factors contributing to this widespread stigma, but the most significant is likely the persistent and outdated negative stereotypes and misconceptions that link loneliness with individual social skills or social behaviours.

Far from this being the case, the largest ever study of loneliness – the BBC Loneliness Experiment in 2018, found no correlation between social skills and loneliness.

Rather, it found that it was circumstances, life transitions and life events that were the main drivers of loneliness.

Why is the stigma so damaging?

There are a number of ways that the stigma adds to the experience and prevalence of loneliness, limit awareness and prevent solutions to it. 

A) The stigma causes young adults to blame themselves and feel shame, which leads to depression, anxiety and low-self worth. This self-blame can also cause young people to socially withdraw – leading to increased chances of chronic loneliness. 

B) Young people don’t seek support. Meaning mental health services aren’t aware of the scale of the problem, and struggle to understand who and how to support, often until it has developed into a more serious mental health issue. 

C) Young adults feel alone in feeling lonely. They feel unable to speak out how they are feeling, forced to suffer in silence. As no-one else is speaking out – they feel that they are the only one who is experiencing these issues.

Let's change the narrative.

If left unchallenged, negative stereotypes and misconceptions will be allowed to self-perpetuate.

However, as we’ve seen with mental health, stigma can be overcome through education, normalising loneliness, and dismantling these stereotypes. 

This sort of wide-scale social change did not happen overnight; it needs: 

– Brave young adults to speak out and share their own experiences 

– Passionate leaders to drive initiatives and advocate for change, in their workplace or community 

– Wider collective action from businesses, policy makers and the government 

If you’d like to be part of this change and #TheLonelyMillion movement, then follow the link below:

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